It's Just Different

One thing I keep noticing, in myself, in my coaching work, in the teams and organisations I support, is how quickly we judge difference.

Not always out loud. But internally. It’s fast, it’s unconscious but it’s there.

Someone says something that challenges how we’ve always done things. Someone communicates in a way we’re not used to. Someone sees the world through a different lens. And there’s a flicker of tension, of resistance, of judgment. A quiet undertone of right or wrong, better or worse.

I see this come up in a few different places:

In coaching, in their interactions with others or when individuals start to notice the gap between their old ways of thinking and the new possibilities opening up. It can feel unsettling. Like if something new is valid… then something old must have been wrong. But that’s not how it works. Multiple things can be true at the same time. Growth doesn’t have to cancel out what came before, it can include it.

In diverse teams, especially global ones. Difference is present, in how people give feedback, how they build trust, how they communicate. But often we don't take the time to understand it and it causes friction and tension. I often use Erin Meyer’s Culture Map as a reference point here. Not because it gives us fixed answers, but because it helps people get curious. To see difference as data, not as danger.

And in moments of change, when someone new joins a team or a new approach is introduced, I often hear people say, “It feels like they’re telling us we’ve been doing it wrong.” That’s usually not what’s being said but it’s often what’s heard. Because when we’re under pressure, or unsure or exhausted from change, we take difference personally.

And I get it. Being “right” can feel like safety. Like control. Letting go of that, even just a little, can feel vulnerable.

But here’s the shift I try to make and support others in making, too: Instead of tightening our grip on certainty, we loosen it. Just enough to ask:

What else could be true?

What if this new idea isn’t a rejection of the past, but a building on it?

What if this colleague’s feedback style isn’t rude, just more direct than we’re used to?

What if we’re both doing our best, just with different frames of reference?

Curiosity over certainty. Dialogue over defence. Shared understanding over single truth.

It’s not always comfortable. But it is the work of inclusion, growth and real collaboration.

Difference doesn’t have to be judged. It doesn’t need to be explained away or resolved into sameness. Sometimes it just needs to be seen. Named. Respected.

We need to call others in to understand the difference, to share perspectives, to understand. Not call others out to alienate, judge and demoralise.

That’s the practice. And like most practices, it’s ongoing, imperfect and very much worth it!