The Midlife Edit

This week I turned 43. Whether I like it or not, that puts me just past the midlife mark (according to Google, the average life expectancy for women in the UK is 82).

There’s something about aging that invites reflection. A look back at what’s been, and a wondering glance at what’s still to come. For me, the years since turning 40 have been anything but smooth sailing. Yes, I quit my job and went out on my own, which was a big leap. But the real shift has been internal. In how I see the world, and more importantly, how I see myself.

Think of it as a midlife spring clean. Not the kind where you haul things to the charity shop (although this also bring me extreme joy!), but one where you sort through long-held beliefs, outdated behaviours, and emotional habits you didn’t even realise you were still carrying.

Here’s the thing. Those patterns got me here. They've served me well. Helping me work hard, tune in to others, and achieve things I once only dreamed about. But they were also rooted in beliefs like: If I don’t please others, they won’t like me, If I fail, then I am a failure, and If I'm not working all hours, I'm lazy.

Those beliefs drove me, but they also quietly ran the show. I wasn’t in the driver's seat. It was like being the child while those thoughts played the role of overbearing parent. That dynamic? It’s not the one I want steering the next 40 years.

What has helped? Rewriting those beliefs. Replacing "If I fail, I am a failure" with "I am learning and growing." Replacing "If I don’t please others, they won’t like me" with "I am allowed to be myself, and the right people will still value me." Replacing "If I'm not working all hours, I'm lazy" with "Rest is valuable, and I don’t have to earn it."

And this isn’t one-and-done work. It’s daily. It’s noticing when the old scripts sneak back in. It’s gently recognising them for what they are, outdated beliefs, and reaffirming the new ones.

This practice has allowed me to step into discomfort, whether it’s launching a business or starting a podcast. It’s given me the freedom to explore what “enough” feels like, instead of letting paranoia push me into constant overdrive. It’s also given me permission to ask myself, “What do I need?” without guilt or self-admonishment.

More than anything, it has provided a sense of conscious choice to my life. I’m no longer blindly driven by old beliefs or default settings. I get to choose how I respond, what I prioritise, and how I care for myself.

For me, this work has become the epitome of self-compassion. It’s unlocked so many of the limitations I had unknowingly set for myself.

Recently I came across this quote from Brené Brown, and it felt like it spoke directly to my soul. It made me feel seen, and just a little less alone:

"I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hand upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt — has to go. Your armour is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armour could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever. Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen."

Yes. That.

So, if you’re in a similar place, questioning, shifting, maybe feeling a little lost, you're not alone. This stage of life can be disorienting, but it’s also full of potential. You are not broken. You're evolving.

And if you’ve found yourself nodding along, or even just breathing a little easier reading this, that’s why I shared it. My hope is that by speaking honestly about this messy, powerful season of life, it helps someone out there feel just a little less alone.

I’d love to hear from others navigating this space. What beliefs or behaviours are you letting go of? What new truths are you learning to live by?

Let’s talk about it, because sharing might just help!