Breaking Up With Busy

I used to believe that if I wasn’t busy, I wasn’t productive. And if I wasn’t productive, I wasn’t successful. And if I wasn’t successful… well, that meant I was failing.

That core belief shaped so much of how I showed up in the world. I wore “busy” like a badge of honour. If I had a full diary, an overflowing inbox, and a list of to-dos longer than my arm, I felt worthy. Rest, on the other hand, felt indulgent. Lazy. Like a luxury I hadn’t earned. It felt like something I had to deserve. Something that only came after everything was done. But there was always something to be done.

Looking back, it’s not surprising that I felt this way. I was raised with a strong work ethic, the kind that prizes grit, reliability and getting stuck in. Add to that a critical inner voice that told me I had to prove my worth through effort, a career start in recruitment where performance was measured in calls, interviews, placements and money and the message was clear: your value lies in your output.

But over the last couple of years, I’ve been unpicking that story (see my Midlife Edit). Slowly. Sometimes uncomfortably. With the help of a coach and in response to a few health challenges (thanks, 40s!), I’ve been learning to see rest not as a reward for productivity, but as part of it.

It turns out rest is productive.

Rest gives me space to plan. To think clearly. To meet my own needs. To be present - not just in my work, but with my kids, my partner, my friends, and myself.

This has taken some relearning. Especially when my default mode is to please others, to keep going, to prove my worth through doing.

But I’ve started to ask different questions: How do I want to show up, not just for my clients, but for my family? Not just for others, but for myself?

One thing I’ve noticed: the quality of my relationships at work and home have improved as I’ve created more space. The less reactive I am, the more intentional I can be. Short-term busyness often feels good in the moment, but it’s the long-term investments; time, connection, care that really matter.

And now, when someone asks me how I am, and I find myself saying “Busy,” I take it as a signal. A nudge to pause and check in. Why am I busy? Is it necessary? Or am I just slipping back into old patterns?

We live in a world that celebrates hustle and being “always on.” But we do have a choice even in small ways. Saying no. Putting our phones down. Leaving gaps between meetings. Creating boundaries that protect our energy instead of draining it.

So this is me, still learning, still shifting.

Still reminding myself that rest isn’t a break from the work, it’s part of it.

That doing less isn’t failure, it’s focus.

And that being present is one of the greatest gifts I can give the people around me and myself.